My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
