Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I can't turn off my feet"
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
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