Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
