all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Randomize
