ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
