six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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