What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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