I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
