So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
