I think my vagina is haunted
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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