She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
