all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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