I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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