Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
