Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jger and an empty bed here Friday.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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