I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
