i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
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It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
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Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize