It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Randomize
