We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Randomize
