i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
