Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
i now understand why vodka
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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