Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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