so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
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I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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