he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
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I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
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Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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