Soap is not a condiment
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
