It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
