i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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