apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I wish there were birth control emojis
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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