i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
