i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
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