11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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