one word: firstdatebathroomanal
honey bunches of taint.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
