we made out on top of his cat.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
