his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
