Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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