I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
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