she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
You took a bar mat shot.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
