Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
