there's paper in my vomit.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
