She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
