I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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