with your own penis?
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
