took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
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