Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
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