atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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