textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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