I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
