Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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