Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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