we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
