Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
