oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Randomize