Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
True strength comes from lack of pants
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
