By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
