i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
