there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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