I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
