your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize
