conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
It's shark week go big or go home
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