you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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