dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
My brain says no but my pants say off.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
and i looked up. we had an audience...
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
