I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
