im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
