my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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