We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
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high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
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Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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