How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
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