i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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