you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
