the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
