I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
