so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
